The Bickerstaffe Record
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Exclusive: well-known councillor denies smear tactics as race hots up for top prize

01.17.11 | Comment?

This is a personal statement by Paul Cotterill, councillor for the Socialist Republic of Bickerstaffe, about recent unsubstantiated claims.

Paul says:

“I am delighted to have been nominated by a local constituent, and consequently shortlisted for Online Councillor of the Year 2011.  I am suitably humble, in spite of my obvious greatness.

However, I also wish to reject any suggestion that I am planning to smear other candidates in the race, in order to maximise my chances of winning a big gong and a slap up meal in London.

I have the utmost respect for all the other entrants, except for the ones I don’t, and any late night hacking of my competitors’ blogs and twitter accounts, which may or may not result in severely compromising posts apparently written by those competitors and thereby reveal dark secrets about them, inclusive of expenses skullduggery and possibly carnal relations with donkeys, will be totally coincidental. 

Further, any tracing back of this hacking activity to my own IP address will reveal only circumstantial evidence of the type which will be dismissed in court by my team of top lawyers.

It is perfectly clear, sadly, that these smears against me are being made in order to lessen my chances of winning the giant cheque for loads of money.

Equally it is clear the main suspect has to be Councillor Tim Cheetham, given his devious mind and generally disreputable character. 

It is not clear at this stage whether he is working in collaboration with the three other shortlisted councillors in order to tarnish the reputation of his finest opponent, before turning his fire on them.

This is clearly a difficult time for me, and I will be knocking up massive legal bills.  If people wish to support me, they should feel free to send used notes in an envelope to my house, care of me.  I am grateful for the support, though notes should be in denominations of £20 or over.”

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