The Bickerstaffe Record

Being Labour

The bloginet in waiting

05.24.09 | 12 Comments

It may be, at this rate, that there won’t be many MPs left to stand in the next election, and that there’ll be a load of celebrity figures who have not the slightest clue about how to run a country – even less than some of  the current incumbents, indeed.

Esther Rantzen, for example, will not make a good Minister of the Environment, because her focus will solely be on growing carrots shaped like genitalia, and while it may be good 1970s TV fare, that’s simply not the way to develop a sustainable modern economy.

So I think it’s about time Labourish bloggers stood up and volunteered to become emergency MPs, ready to form a government and get on with socialism in our time.

We’ll need a blogger cabinet (herafter a bloginet) and front bench fairly pronto, so here’s my first stab:

Prime Minister :  Susan Press from Grimmer Up North.   She’s even tried to become an MP, so must be keen, and her socialist credentials will see her through, though she’ll need to study her post-Keynesian economics quite quickly to keep up with her new chancellor.

Chancellor:  Duncan Wheldon of Duncan’s Economic Blog, obviously. He knows loads of things and is right about most of them.

Home Office:  Tim Flatman from the Provisional BBC, what with his grow up leftwing views on immigration.

Justice: Tom Miller, ‘cos that’ll show ’em.

Foreign Office: Harry Barnes from Three score and Ten, in surprise recall from retirement, though we will keep a check on his expenses.

International Development:  ME, bagsy bagsy, or Vino  maybe. Or Zebra Mbizi.  Quite a fight for that one, but I’ve got the edge because of a very good plan I’ve got for a status quo-challenging trade programme.

Health:  Bob Piper, he does sensible stuff in the NHS, I think, or Mil from 21st Century Fix, who thinks holistically, and the NHS needs a bit of that.

Sport: Bob P if he’s not in Health, otherwise someone who likes football and that. I’m not that bothered really.

Education: Dave Semple from Though Cowards Flinch.  He knows where that’s at, and would be radical, though we would have to reshuffle him out of the bloginet quite soon, as he’s not really into parliament as an institution in the first place, and is quite likely to get cross and accuse the Home Secretary of being a tosser, or worse.

Universities and Skills: Chris Brooke from Virtual Stoa, because he’s already a clever professor so won’t need too much time to get into it all.

Culture and Arts: Norman Geras from normblog, though he will have to allow comments.  I’d also like to see him rediscover that Marxist analysis of everything he was very good at when he wrote books.

Housing:  Don Paskini, he’s really really good at that, and will back the fourth option probably.  He’s also good at other social policy, and housing’s more than bricks and mortar.

DWP:  Harpymarx, and those ‘welfare reforms’ will be history.

Employment and business or whatever it’s called now: Hopi, would work very well with Duncan at No 11.

Local Government:  Paul Evans from never Trust a Hippy and now Common Endeavour, who’s very good at local democracy stuff and generally right about it though a bit too fixated on the good bits of representative democracy.  Or if he’s too busy, Antonia Bance, though she’s not really a blogger now.

Environment and farming and fishing ans such:  tricky one, maybe we’ll do that big tent thing with Matt Sellwood, who has at least got some sense that the Green party don’t really get it, even though he’s with them at the moment.

Transport: Tom Harris StillMP, for a bit of institutional memory, but mostly so the rest of the bloginet can tease him about him being in a proper socialist cabinet when he’d rather be somewhere else, and how he has to tow the new line on Heathrow, or face the wrath of the new Chief Whip (see below)

Attorney General: Peter Kenyon, very good at rules and getting thing done right

Chief Whip:  Well Luke Akehurst has been after it for years, so fair’s fair, and I can’t see anyone else wanting it with Dave Semple around.


Any improvements before I firm this up and get it over to the NEC for ratification, and publication as part of Labour’s new socialist, election winning manifesto?

It’s very male biased at the moment, I admit, but then so’s the Labourish blogosphere, or at least the bits I read.


have your say

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. Subscribe to these comments.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>